


It's Not A Sprint, Ladies

by emiliefitch



Category: Atypical (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Running, casey is gay, everything is fine, izzie is the love of my life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-27
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-07-18 03:59:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16110344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emiliefitch/pseuds/emiliefitch
Summary: A few things that running and loving someone have in common.





	It's Not A Sprint, Ladies

marathon: noun

     1. any foot race over a course measuring 42 km 195 meters  
     2. any long-distance race  
     3. any contest, event, or the like, of great, or greater than normal, length or duration or requiring exceptional endurance

 

Casey floated in the delicate space between waking and dreaming. She was dreaming about running; she could feel the pounding of her heart. Running was as much a relief in the dream as it was in reality. No matter what was going on around her – her stupid mother fucking up their family, her dad’s health, Sam’s general brotherly annoyance, whatever it may be – running was a way to channel all of the chaos, let it filter through her with the air, and replace it with pain she created and controlled. It was calming, familiar, exhilarating. Just like… suddenly she started to fall in her dream, and she jolted awake just as her arm connected with a lump on the other half of her bed.

“Fuck,” Casey’s voice was hoarse with sleep. The blankets under her now outstretched arm shifted and settled back into a shallow pattern of rising and falling as Izzie slipped back into her own dream next to her. Casey was both thankful and terrified that she hadn’t woken her friend up. Suddenly the memory of the night before settled on her, of pushing Nate away and making him leave, trying to calm down enough before waking Izzie so that her rattled state wouldn’t be noticed until she could figure out what to do. Izzie hadn’t noticed anything when Casey had gently shaken her awake, she just leaned on Casey as she was led upstairs to bed, falling asleep again the second she hit the mattress.

Casey could feel her heartbeat racing as it had in the dream. She wanted to tell her friend, to be honest, but she was so afraid of hurting her. She didn’t want anything to change. She had just made these new friends, and now…

She wanted to move her arm but she was too terrified of waking Izzie and having to talk to her, so she left it laying across her friend (which, honestly, was almost equally stressful, for reasons she couldn’t quite pin down). The clock read 4:47AM, far too early to get up yet. She fretted as her mind ran as fast as she wanted her body to, until she finally succumbed to sleep once again.

* * *

endurance: noun

  1. the fact or power of enduring or bearing pain, hardships, etc.
  2. the ability or strength to continue or last, especially despite fatigue, stress, or other adverse conditions; stamina
  3. lasting quality; duration



           

Izzie woke up slowly, sinking into the familiar smell and warmth around her. She opened her eyes slowly and yawned, suddenly slightly disoriented at being in Newton’s room and feeling a weight across her stomach and a body pressed into her back as the sinking mattress pushed them together. She turned her head slightly to see a mess of dirty blonde hair over her shoulder – Casey was sound asleep with her arm around her waist. Izzie smiled softly, filled with affection for her best friend. She was so thankful for this girl, so addicted to her, and to the time they spent together. She was actually relieved to find that it was Newton behind her and not Nate; she was glad he had left in the night for whatever reason. Their time was better spent without him. Honestly, he had never done anything as nice for her as Casey had last night - building a fort and immersing her in a different reality, both with her presence and with the book she read to her.

She turned slightly in order to stretch and Casey blearily opened her eyes, trying in vain to focus on her.

“You’re drooling, Newton.” Izzie said, smiling. Casey’s eyes widened in momentary horror as she pulled the blankets up high enough to cover her head. Izzie laughed, poking at Casey’s cocoon in order to fully wake her up so they could get ready for the day.

Casey was sullen through the breakfast they shared together, and quiet on the way to school. Izzie wondered if maybe the emotional weight of the night before was taking a toll on her, or if maybe she too was trying to make sense of the high that came over them when they were together. When she had found Casey stuffing a note into her locker, her heart had started to pound.

The worst part of the note was that Izzie had actually thought it was a love note. There was definitely something between them, her and Newton – Casey. Nate had never gone to the lengths she had to make her feel safe, comfortable, loved. Her heart had sunk the night before when she heard the knock on the door and realized it was her boyfriend. She had wanted to be the center of Newton’s attention, to spend more time in the soft reality they had carved out for themselves, padded with blankets and pillows, and filled with laughter and Casey's grounding voice. And in a moment when she thought all those feelings building up might crescendo into something concrete, her world crashed around her. Of course Newton didn’t reciprocate her feelings, and now, worse, apparently Nate didn’t either. And that meant that she was all alone. Alone to deal with her mom’s alcoholism and abusive boyfriend, alone to take care of her siblings, alone at Clayton, alone, alone, alone.

When confronted, Nate was annoyingly cocky, telling her that Casey had come onto him (“And who wouldn’t?”). At least this was consistent with his character. She’d had a bad feeling about Casey from the beginning, maybe that feeling had been right. Maybe she should stop letting people in, only to get the best of her.

Then when she had talked with Casey, again, Casey had been defensive. As annoying as it sometimes was, Casey was freakishly transparent about everything with her: her family life, her feelings. They shared everything. And what did she and Nate share? A physical connection that never felt quite right? They had nothing in common. Nate was rich, privileged, had never known responsibility, as well as emotional and financial struggle as she had, and was therefore incredibly immature. The truth was that guys like Nate were a dime a dozen at Clayton. Girls like Newton weren’t.

* * *

pursue: verb (used with object),

  1. to follow in order to overtake
  2. to follow close upon; go with; attend
  3. to strive to gain



 

The second Casey heard Izzie’s voice at her party, her heart started to beat wildly. Was she here just to torture her? She had to be, what she assumed Casey had done was unforgiveable. How was she going to escape this? But why was she back to calling her Newton? Was it just some cheap trick?

Izzie, on the other hand, had a weight off her shoulders. Her breakup left her feeling relieved, and seeing Newton dancing with Sam without a care was icing on the cake. There was no question of her feelings, and no going back now. She was going to have to talk to her and try to make things right.

When Casey snapped on Sam during their game, Izzie didn’t feel the secondhand embarrassment from the other girls on the team surrounding her. She just felt utterly heartbroken for this girl who was pushed into an unfair situation, time and time again. Casey was going through so much and Izzie hadn’t been there for her, too wrapped up in her own stupid drama. She wanted to be there for Casey when she was upset, just like Casey had welcomed her in when she’d shown up crying on her doorstep. She watched as Sam gathered himself and won their game, his joy spreading to her. If Sam could take Casey’s anger and come out the other side with a smile, then so could she. No matter what happened, or if she was pushed away, she had to try to make amends. So she climbed the stairs and knocked on Casey’s bedroom door.

“I just want my girl back.”

It was now or never. Her apology had been accepted, and Newton seemed back to her normal self, seemingly as relieved as she was. If she didn’t take this opportunity, she’d probably always regret it. Every part of her wanted to be closer to the other girl, but somehow a hug just didn’t seem like enough.

“Let’s forehead promise to never leave each other again.”

There it was, not a verbal admittance, but definitely the proof she needed that there was a spark between them, and not one that touched Izzie alone. Then suddenly they were ripped apart as the door opened, and couldn’t quite look at one another again.

Casey’s nerves were jangling as she walked down the stairs and kissed Evan, maybe trying to reassure herself of her feelings for him, or ground herself after she’d felt like she was flying again with Izzie. This was completely uncharted territory and her guilt and uncertainty made her desperate for something familiar (not to mention something to satisfy the hungry butterflies in the pit of her stomach).

Izzie saw it for what it was. It hurt her at first, but she was pleased to see Newton happy, to see her mom acknowledge her errors (and mentally file away the information that Newton didn’t like the happy birthday song). She was a little put off by Casey’s friend shoving her to the side as they sang Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star, but tonight had made her nothing if not determined to win her girl back. Not only that, but to win back a little more than she had in the beginning, now that she knew there was something between them that they both wanted to act on, however hesitantly.

* * *

 persist: verb (used without object)

  1. to continue steadfastly or firmly in some state, purpose, course of action
  2. to last or endure tenaciously
  3. to be insistent in a statement, request, question



 

Izzie texted her to study, and when that didn’t work, texted her a picture of what she counted as their happiest memory together, which seemed to do the trick.

They’d gone out for slurpees. Four towns and five 7/11’s worth of slurpees, to be exact, before they found the cotton candy flavor. As Casey told Izzie about being with Evan, Izzie was nothing but amused with her friend, and happy for her. And yet, there was still something between them.

“I really love him.” Izzie’s heart dropped. Of course Casey would bring her out here to tell her about Evan and tear away the shreds of hope she was clinging to. She just needed to accept that Casey wouldn’t act on the feelings she surely had.

“It’s just sometimes, a thing feels like, so right, you know?”

And Izzie knew, she knew the rightness of moments with Casey just as she had known the wrongness of moments with Nate. But Casey wasn’t saying that the thing with Evan had felt right. In fact, her statement reminded Izzie of their first civil but drunk conversation in detention. Memories of Casey running next to her and smiling, of Casey reading It, of Casey glowing as she danced at her birthday party, flitted through her head, and with them the rightness of all those moments. Maybe this was a type of surrender as well as a type of exploration. Maybe this looked like shutting down but was actually reaching out, reaching towards one another.

The energy between them was static, and Izzie could feel it spark as she linked her pinky with Casey’s, and Casey’s heart leapt as she threaded her fingers together with Izzie’s. Izzie bit her lip to keep from saying something to shatter the fragile moment. There was nothing to startle them here, Mrs. Gardner wouldn’t barge in at any moment, there was nothing that could ruin it except… except Casey’s phone ringing and the caller ID displaying Evan’s name. Izzie’s heart started to sink, but then Casey declined the call.

And it was all they could do to keep steadily breathing.


End file.
